Blog You Heart

I have actually sat here many times staring at a blank post not knowing what to really say.  Sometimes there just isn't anything exciting happening to share and then other times I am filled with emotion and can't seem to express my feelings.  This is one of those times.

Tomorrow we celebrate 'Birth Mother's Day!' which I love.  I love that tomorrow (and really not just tomorrow) I can remember our special birth mother and what she has done for me and the special role she plays in our lives.  It is because of her that 6 years ago I celebrated my first 'Mother's Day!'...after many painful mother's days of silently crying...wishing, hoping and praying that I would one day become a mother.  We love her and remember her everyday.  I've learned as an adoptive mom that love isn't measured by blood, but is free to take form in many different ways.  I don't love one child more than the other but love them each deeply for who they are and the miracle that they are in my life.  I believe that they were both meant to be my children and to come to our family and I was taught important lessons of faith, patience and understanding that truly has helped me to be a better mother.  There was never anything else I wanted to be.  From the time I was little I knew that I wanted to be a mother.  As I grew older and a little wiser I quickly learned that becoming a mother wasn't going to happen the way I had planned, but eventually it did happen and I am eternally greatful for this experience.

This week I have quietly watched my children.  Pondering on their little lives and how they are growing so quickly.  I have noticed how Maguire has changed into a little boy...the years of babies and diapers long gone and we have now fully jumped into the life of school aged children.  Maguire is my most imaginative child and has a strong personality that pushes me to my limits on most days.  He teaches me to look for the extraordinary in our everyday life...to always watch my actions and words...and to remember to not take life so serious.  I have noticed Ryker determined to do better and trying a little harder in all that he does.  He is my peace maker.  Always happy...loving life...and thinking of others.  His friendliness and outgoing personality sometimes scare me as I worry about his acceptance from others...when it's not even a thought in his mind.  His love has no limits and his forgiveness is easily given when others have hurt him.

Awhile ago I read this statement on facebook "We will spend eternity knowing our children as adults. But today, right here, right now, and for the few precious years, we have the rare privilege of knowing them as a child."  It hit me hard.  These moments are precious.  They don't last forever.  And they will be over before we know it.

As I watched my children this week my heart was full.  The happiness that these two little boys bring into my life exceeds the dreams I had for motherhood.  I could never have imagined how rewarding this time and experience would be.  As I comforted Ryker after losing a race this week and when I picked Maguire up from school after leaving him crying...I was so very thankful that I was the person that got to be there with them in those moments.  I was needed by these boys and it was my love and attention that they were seeking. 

How very blessed I am that after countless years of waiting I was given the opportunity to be a mother. It wasn't how I had thought my life should go, but I know that it has been a better plan for me.

I love you most my sweet little boys.

xox